Do you know AJ Hamm? I thought I did, but like most in the scene, I was deceived by his furtive tactics. His triangle offense of beautiful women, random business relationships and innate ability to con his way into sick AirBnBs—made him somewhat likable. 

Even though he was an executive assistant with a preset spending limit on his boss’ Amex black card, and he used his coconut vodka water as a cover to bang chicks, he had a very dark side. The man was constantly depressed and popping Xanax like Flintstone vitamins. His missed call ratio to friends was 17:1—meaning he would call you 17 times before you would give up and call him back thinking he was dying. The weirdest part was he wouldn’t even talk on the callback. 

NR: “AJ, what’s up (insert 12 seconds of delayed silence). AJ! Hello?”

AJ: “Yo. Let’s go to Papi Steak. Fly out. Alec (Monopoly) is here.”

The reality was that nobody liked hanging out with AJ, especially Alec—reasons listed below:

1. He hovers like Persian Shrek.
2. He steals your phone to read your private messages.
3. He will take your phone to call someone who isn’t answering his calls.
4. He yells at the help. 
5. He’s racist to black people, especially JJ. 
6. His sir name is Hoover, for cocaine purposes. 
7. He claims his ex-girlfriend is Sports Illustrated swimsuit model Samantha Hoopes. 
8. He uses Lisa Hochstein to save his relationships with hookers.
9. He has a lifetime ban at all Tao Group properties. 
10. Oh, and he beats up his girlfriends. Hi Bo Brofeldt.

[Updated: FACTZ checked No. 7—“Omg, that’s crazy! I’m not surprised at all, and I wouldn’t call us ever dating but hanging out, hahaha. I’m sorry for those girls!” –Samantha Hoopes]

Yeah, so people are confused as to why I’m not friends with AJ Hamm, whose real name is Amal Hamidinia. I think I was fascinated by his con-artist actions, and I loved watching his relationship with Adrianna Suchor. Retired from TheDirty, it got me off to see Suchor drain his bank account and watch him scramble to maintain his Prince Fred lifestyle. And I’m this thing the kids call “savage.” 

Okay, let’s talk about the FACTZ he’s trying to hide. Cue the Psycho Crew! Please jump into the hot tub time machine with me. Back in 2013, Hamidinia’s favorite movie was the “Green Mile.”

“Inmates of the Orange County Jail awaken at night to the screams of other inmates being beaten,” Laguna Beach lawyer Richard Herman wrote to U.S. District Judge Gary Taylor on July 31, 2013. “Vestiges of the Psycho Crew gang of racist jail guards, [who] once focused on beating African American inmates, are now randomly beating inmates.”

“Hamidinia is one of the people involved in the Psycho Crew abuses,” Herman said. “[At that time, he was] last active ringleader still in the jail.”

Two inmates claim they joined a hunger strike after jail officials refused to move Hamidinia out of their unit. Jeffrey Newland, who [was] being held on burglary charges, said the hunger strike began the day after Hamidinia beat another inmate in his unit so severely that the prisoner suffered four broken fingers. “That’s why we went on a hunger strike. Hamidinia beats us up, and we’re tired of it. Deputy Hamidinia is a straight psycho cop.”

I found this out from Nick Shou. You can google him later. He is legit, and Nick, if you are reading this, I’m a huge fan and want to hire you for FACTZ. 

Honestly, those who know this man are probably saying to themselves, “FINALLY”! Yes, this is our journey together as avengers with a vengeance. However, shame on us all for letting this shell of a Kuku Sabzi in our circles.

Amal Hamidinia, thank you for the free food. I owe you that … you eat like a champion.

Missing Person Alert: Amal Hamidinia aka AJ Hamm is Out There – Reward Issued