Don’t worry. This is a positive message, ladies- I come from a place of love and constructive criticism. If you take my advice and learn from my mistakes … you shall achieve immortality and wisdom beyond your youth.

Emily Ratajkowski is 31 years old with real body parts. And to extenuate these two parts, look at how she arches her back when the cameras flash (Paris Hilton invented this arch, not McDonald’s). I call it “the Foghorn Leghorn” because of the chest animation. This secret move creates power because the opponent cannot make eye contact and leaves them two seconds behind in thought.

Delayed speech upon greeting someone means you have already lost.

In this case, look how Ratajkowski leans the shoulders back to lock in the FL-horns, distracting everyone from the fact her makeup artist missed the S-line this day.