If the bomb cyclone wasn’t enough to derail holiday travel plans. Four thousand presumably happy cruisers who made it to Puerto Rico — despite the terrible weather throughout the U.S. — to set sail on the Norwegian Cruise Line mega-ship Epic were met with a massive disaster at boarding.

With zero explanation, the line of thousands trying to sail away was queued for four-plus hours in a parking lot with no shade. People who purchased priority boarding were denied. Senior citizens, ADA passengers and children had to drag their luggage through potholes and burning hot asphalt while three baggage handlers with a dot-matrix printout checked people in.

No pina coladas, banana batidas or chi chis in sight to kick off this no-Love-boat Caribbean adventure – only pure pre-Chistmas misery everyone could have just stayed at home for.

In a scene straight out of Fyre Fest, NCL ship staff handed out Dixie cups of water while bathroom lines tripled. A cheese sandwich would have been welcome instead; all that was on hand was a vending machine stocked with the worst snack possible for 95 degrees: Hershey’s chocolate bars.

FACTZ is awaiting a comment from NCL. Story developing …